Type in your name, wait 107 seconds, brace yourself. And by that, I mean that it is quite a bit like liking. He is the primary author at Neuromarketing, contributes at Forbes, and hosts the Brainfluence Podcast. More surprisingly, it didn't matter if a request was phrased very politely or not. Asking and respecting the answer with graciousness, politeness, and sincerity is the way well want to do it. Let them know how much their yes means to you and how you appreciate them for it. 2. Its easy to think that they owe us (and maybe they kinda do), but actually, they dont literally owe us. Next time you need to ask someone for a favor, just remember to set aside some time beforehand and think of a way you can make them smile. It's that fear that does us in. She is a contemporary etiquette, manners, and people skill expert and the founder of the prestigious Etiquette School of America. 6. Pointing out your commonalities before bringing up the favor you need will boost your chances of getting it. If youre not part of the Manners Mentor Movement, join me today by subscribing and adding your name to all the others who understand that living out the Golden Rule is as important today as it ever was! As reputation is everything. Try something like: [8] "Yup, it's working. But if youre approaching somebody new, find out if you have perhaps a school in common, some geography in common, perhaps you both lived in the same city or state for a period of time. Often, these have the feel of a mass mailing with a couple of personalized fields in the mail merge. Are you concerned that people will think less of you if you ask for something? I'm hoping you could vote for me in an online contest where I can win a big prize for my work. | Brainfluence Brief, The Power of INaction with Jinny Uppal - Brainfluence, Roger Dooley Speaking at Marketing Forum, Milan, Italy, The Best Way To Start A Meeting with Vanessa Van Edwards, Southwests $825 Million Loss Signals Why Companies Shouldnt Put Off Internal Investments, Cultural Frame Switching: Different Language, Different Personality. Thats unlikely. It comes down to the fact that people do need people to get through this world. Reviews help others discover this podcast and I greatly appreciate them! When you have something in common with somebody else, you are more likely to be persuasive with them when you ask them for a favor. And what Cialdini advised Kawasaki was, dont say that instead say, I know you would do the same for me.. This message increases the likelihood youll get a response for three reasons. Third, youre providing them with multiple ways to help you, so they can choose what works best for them. When you ask for any pointers, you avoid backing them into a cornerand you set yourself up to get the very best advice (even if you dont know what that is). Get kid-friendly recipes, fun activities plus parenting tips delivered right to your inbox. 2. Lead with your feedback request. The next best thing to asking in person is to ask over the phone. Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: byaf, favors, guy kawasaki, liking, reciprocation, Robert Cialdini, Unity. Let them know youre eager to reciprocate. Get her number on the sly with this line. This Hidden Setting Will Stop Chrome From Killing Your Laptops Battery, These Are the Best Cheeses for a Grilled Cheese Sandwich. 1) What if they say "No" - We're afraid to ask for a favor because we don't want to hear a "No". My friend Guy Kawasaki got this tip from Robert Cialdini When someone thanks you, instead of replying with the usual, Youre welcome, or, It was nothing, try this: That amplifies reciprocation. Maralee McKee is dedicated to helping you become the person you most want to be and to live a confident, kind, and generous life! Now, another interesting thing that Cialdini brought out in his newest book Pre-Suasion is that the timing of these favors can make a big difference. Thank them graciously if they say yes. Its called the Ben Franklin Effect because of Franklins maxim, He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.. There are several possible reasons for this. A ride-sharing app for jets? By the way, are you busy this weekend? If you want to avoid the same fate when you ask for favor, theres plenty of behavioral science research to guide you. As a jumping off point, Im using an expanded version of the neuro marketing post I wrote a few years ago. She's in the top one percent of experts in her field, and her etiquette skills blog is the most read in the United States. If you have that in common with somebody that is much more like unity than liking and chances are you dont have that in common with somebody else. First, ask the requester for a one-paragraph summary of his request, so that you . Tell her your number and then ask her to send you a quick text. And saving the flattery for the end may work better than leading with it, according to author Simon Sinek. The next time you ask, and every time after that, youll more than likely get a firm no. This search engine reveals so much more. You can find all the versions of this podcast, show notes, links, et cetera at rogerdooley.com/podcast. Youre doing a couple of things here, you were setting up that future reciprocation and you are also telling that person that they are the kind of person that does favors for people, that is generous with their time. I really appreciate your time and guidance. As you may know, Ive worked in management for over five years at [Your Current Company], where I [oversee a team of 12 people or some other relevant info]. 14. Once youve been on the receiving endfeeling uncomfortable with an ask to connect a distant contact with the most impressive person in your network, or dreading a call for someone to pick your brain when you dont have the timeyou become more sensitive to not wanting to put others in a similar position. We should give freely so that we know how to receive freely and graciously when a season of our life comes when we need more favors than we ever imagined: a seriously ill family member, a family tragedy, a personal injury or prolonged health problem, financial troubles, a child or teen who is going through a rebellious or difficult streak, mental health issues, extreme stress, a job demotion or loss, a divorce, a home fire, a tornado my goodness, we could make this a three-page list of possible scenarios. Looking back, you wont regret one moment you spent with them. Youll want to thank them verbally as soon as they say yes. When you want something, you need to get to the point. Then a little bit later, Franklin came back and asked for the favor and indeed he got it. Look For Satisfied Customers. There are ways you can do it that make the situation easier and less daunting. Now we talked about how sometimes hitting them for that second favorite right away was effective and certainly worked with the Stanford Dean and Cialdini, but you arent always in a place where you can do that or a time where you can do that. Hold the door for someone, and they will be more willing to spend a few minutes giving you directions. 1. The Stanford researchers found that, about 70 percent of the time, the best requests were made by people who: "Craving" narrativese.g., asking for pizza because you want to celebrate something or hang out with friendswere more likely to be turned down, perhaps for obvious reasons (Get your own pizza, dude!). Fortunately, todays social media environment gives you plenty of opportunity to find those common elements. Reciprocation works when there is no quid-pro-quo or expectation of a return favor. Ask the right person Before you ask anyone for a favor, it's important to check that you are asking the right person. Some will, but most won't. If you ask someone for a favor at an inconvenient time, you can embarrass or even anger him or her. I deleted the email and forgot about it. I get daily email pitches that start with how much the writer enjoys my work. As theyre performing the favor, thank them several times if youre around. Were asked because were the only one the other person knows to ask, or because the person has already asked everyone else. People underestimate compliance when making requests of strangers in person. That way I can remind you of how awesome I am, and then hopefully your show will get picked up and you can give me a job. Write a review of his latest book. It is doing a favor for somebody before you ask for one in return. You lose all the body language clues; however, you keep the clues gained through tone of voice, silent pauses, and such. Not in a tit-for-tat way. "A squirrel just stole my sandwich. When the experimenter offered the nonsense reason, because I need to make copies, compliance jumped to 93% essentially the same as when a logical reason was offered. If the requests are compelling enough, other Reddit members buy the pizza. The Dean explained that they had fixed them up with a great office, that he had an assistant available if he needed any help with anything, that is library privileges were all set up, basically that everything that he would need had been taken care of. Might you have 15 minutes to chat over the phone? Researchers think that offering the option to choose removes the feeling of being pressured to grant the favor. How to identify common interests and use them to your advantage. Fulfilling favors (while respecting our personal boundaries and not allowing ourselves to become doormats) is one beautiful way we share the fruit of our spirit. Photo by skeeze - under CC0 License 02 "I thought you'd never ask!" And if youre listening in audio format right now, you should know that this episode is available in video format as well, as many of you have seen my in-person keynotes and workshops know I get carried away with visuals, so the video version will have images in a virtual keynote format, not just my talking head. Pay the recipients a compliment that shows you are really familiar with them and their work. The show notes page at rogerdooley.com/podcast will have the audio, video and text versions of this show. If others do you favors only because they feel sorry for you, later theyll feel sorry they ever did you any favors. Dont burn bridges over this. Asking for a favor can be scary because, in many cases, you're asking to be rejected. Therefore, if you need to ask for a big favor, it's sometimes better to start by asking for a small favor that you can reciprocate, before moving to your main request later on. Its not a solo journey. You think she's the best person for the job, meaning she has already demonstrated expertise or credibility in the area where you need some help. 2. They might see that their help is the best solution and more eagerly say yes, or they might actually have an idea you never thought of which will provide the help you need. Earn $10 free italki credit: https://go.italki.com/englishwithlucyVisit my websit. Most Relevant is selected, so some comments may have been filtered out. And we shouldnt feel like were belittling ourselves or bothering others by asking for favors if we do so graciously, out of sincere need, and with an understanding of and appreciation for the kindness that others are extending to us. Most people don't think twice about being asked for favors, unless you come across as needy and constantly want something. There are some signs which will help you to know if your customers are happy or not. We're much more likely to grant a favor if someone offers us a. and "No food or money until Thursday, can pay back on Thursday (NY)." More people will donate to a cause because they like you. Your participation in this race is mostly pointless if you don't raise some money, and so I sent this message to a bunch of people I know: I'm about to ask you for money. #Neuromarketing, irrelevant reasons can increase compliance, The power of 'because' - even nonsense helps you be persuasive! In both, she sang People, a melodic show-stopper that is now forever linked to her. Now, this was not really something that Cialdini had planned, and he says in his book, if that question had been asked of him a week earlier, or a week later, he would have said no because he wanted to do his research, his writing and so on, work on the book. Ask in a private setting so both of you feel comfortable sharing details. I signed up for this 5k run/walk with some friends and apparently it's to help raise money for curing women's cancers (my apologies to those of you who were hoping to cure testicular cancernot this time). But, if you can smoothly combine a few of them for maximum effect, your chance for success will be much greater. They have also learned how to handle pressure, be responsible, and have confidence. 4. Im definitely interested in raising awareness about my own brand and have been wondering if this approach would make sense for me, too. He tells a great story about a planned sabbatical at Stanford Business School. This applies to all thank yous for favors. Whatever you do, dont sound like a mail merge gone awry. Need a favor? If someone can't (or doesn't want to) help you, there isn't much you can do about it. Every expert on persuasion from Zig Ziglar to Bob Cialdini, emphasizes that you need to use these techniques in an ethical way. Remember, only you have the power to make me wear a stupid hat. It goes a long way. Photo by Javier Brosch (Shutterstock), iofoto (Shutterstock), Willee Cole (2) (Shutterstock). The email I described at the start might have been marginally more effective had it used a phrase like, because we need to get the word out about Its not logically persuasive, but it does offer a because.. What company benefits are most important to you? So, when you make this ask, be sure to provide options that could accommodate almost any schedule: Ive been following your LinkedIn updates and notice that youve been posting a ton of articles. I just signed a lease for a new apartment. This email hits on several points. Be seated. Nobody's going to say yes before the favor is clearly told. Ask nicely, and if the answer is no, walk away with a smile and your dignity. Requesters failed to appreciate how untrustworthy their emails would seem to others. Be brief. Speaking for the competition teams, if you have a child who wishes to perform and compete, then Starstruck is for you. One study showed that high status individuals felt that lower status individuals who did them favors were insincere and trying to curry favor. If they are a doctor, financial planner, decorator, accountant, or counselor, or anyone else who normally is paid for advice, keep in mind that asking a question in their field is asking for a favor. #Neuromarketing Click To Tweet Asking a Favor Could / Would you do me a favor? Begin your request by making your intentions clear: You want there to be no confusion on the part of those whom you're asking for a favor. The Stanford researchers found that, about 70 percent of the time, the best requests were made by people who: Demonstrated a strong need for the pizza (job or money issues, helping a family) Said . Excuse yourself and leave if you need to; eventually, theyll get the message. August 20, 2020 By Roger Dooley Leave a Comment. And I contrast that with the state of Texas, where Ive lived for 10 years, if you have ever lived in Texas or known Texans, you know that their identity is tied up with the state. Begin your request by making your intentions clear: You want there to be no confusion on the part of those whom youre asking for a favor. Anything like that will be a favor to them, not a big favor necessarily, but it still shows that you are working to help them. But Im going to guess that fewer than ten percent of the people we know are like that. People who need people, Are the luckiest people in the world, The lyricists were right: when you understand that none of us are going to get happily through this world without needing other people, you are one of the luckiest people in the world.. Youre asking someone to put their work reputation on the line to vouch for you. 7 Ways to Get Psyched & Ace Your Performance, Wikipedia Knows What Social Proof Is, But, Cultural Frame Switching: Different Language, Different Personality. You show respect. Provide an escape clause. Roger Dooley is the author of Friction and Brainfluence. Do the other person a small favor first! Then perhaps you might use a little bit of flattery and again, be sincere and specific. Franklin employed the strategy himself by asking to borrow a rare book from a political rival. Here are some example conversations that will show you the proper use of "right now I don't think I can": Most people are happy to help someone in need. Flattery increases your persuasive ability. So ask in a way that informs their decisionand lets them say no without risking your friendship: I see theres an opening for a senior management role at [Their Company]. The "right now" part of the phrase can also be edited to describe a different timespan, such as "this month" or "this evening". And, if you are using a personalized approach, do it right. (Sorry.). The most practical and obvious thing that would have improved this failed pitch is a short paragraph explaining why readers would be interested in the startup. 1. Heres another counter-intuitive finding: letting people know they have a choice makes them more likely to be persuaded, not less. Ad by TruthFinder Have you ever googled yourself? It also helps to be entertaining. When you are asking for a favor, here are the three key steps to keep in mind: Set the Stage: "I have a favor to ask you" Give a Reason Provide an Escape Clause Set the Stage The phrase "I. And the important thing is that this should not be a quid pro quo. Every time you're late to an appointment or meeting says your time is more important. Studies have shown that even irrelevant reasons can increase compliance. Well, if you're not I could use some help. 3. But, thats just practical, logical advice. I have to make some copies. Now that makes no sense at all, but they were just about a successful is when they had a valid reason. Here are Three Ways to Say No Without Feeling Guilty, where I share more how-tos for getting your no across with graciousness. Nevertheless, they did have a significant impact on the amount of the tip, they established that reciprocation. Alexa, roll a dice. And the great thing is today, you can discover these areas that you might have in common, these shared attributes, even when you dont know somebody particularly well. Her advice has been published across the web (. That stands for but you are free to choose. The favors need not be equal in magnitude. It seems that the magic word here is because, the targets of their persuasive effort, theyre cutting in line were simply processing the fact that, Oh, they have a reason. They heard the word because, and because this was not a big ask, they didnt try and analyze the details. Set the stage. Asking for a favor refers to asking someone to do something for you. It's a rejection of us rather than the rejection of the favor. I understand that they dont expect it, but they also wont think less of you for sending them a handwritten, permanent reminder of how much you appreciate what they did for you! If I can answer any questions, you can email me at [emailprotected]. For something like helping with a move, youll also want to provide meals and snacks for the day, and follow up with a thank you call the day after the move-in is complete. When you want something, if you can make a person smile while you're asking you've probably won them over. (Maybe it can, but nobody really believes that.) Dr Robert Cialdini described the book as, Blinding insight, and Nobel winner Dr. Richard Claimer said, Reading Friction will arm any manager with a mental can of WD40.. Its an exchange of value. Another Cialdini principle is liking. When you highlight things you have in common with your persuasion target, your request is more likely to be granted. Your email address will not be published. People often don't donate money to a good cause because they believe in it. If you suggest a trade, like promising a free ebook in return for giving up a visitors email, you probably will convert more visitors. Debby Mayne is an etiquette expert and writer with over 25 years of experience. Yeah, so how's life? If you're not familiar, in the Random Acts of Pizza subreddit, people post requests for free pizza, saying things like "Spare some pizza for the lonesome security guard?" Please Like and Share this post, because everyone needs to know how to ask for a favor. 3. When you do a favor for somebody they will probably, if they are polite, say thank you. If not, would it be possible for me to send you a couple of questions over email. So, here are three templates to ask for a favorin a way that lets the other person say no and still save face: One reason to grow your network is that when you build a relationship with someone, their contacts (theoretically) become your second-degree connections. 4. Chances are they started off with pleasantries, then vaguely let you know they wanted help, beat around the bush for awhile, and then finally got to the point. The most practical and obvious thing that would have improved this awful pitch is a sentence or two explaining why my audience would be interested in the startup. Well, a couple of weeks before he was due to travel there, he got a call from the Dean of the school. Here are a few ways to do that. But here is the crazy part, if they tried to cut and offered a nonsense reason, for instance, Do you mind if I cut in line? Without actually saying it . This makes people more likely to agree. There's a reason why you're asking this specific person. If you were complimenting them on something they perhaps, you could say that you shared it to your LinkedIn following, your Twitter following, or your email list, or you used it in a training session for your team. Now, another counterintuitive persuasion technique when youre asking for favor is to give the person an out. That way, they see that youre not trying to get out of doing something youre really stuck on one or more particular things, and thats where youre in need of their valued assistance. What's the best way to motivate someoneeven a strangerto help you out? This doesn't have to be the case, but there are some important guidelines that will make the request less demanding. What can I say in response to "Can you do me a favor?" CharmYou +1 I think "What is it?" or "What kind of favor?" is better than just "what?" You'd like it. This isnt begging. Follow with details about the specific areas or types of feedback you seek. 13. Important child-safety note: If people are taking advantage of your kindness by asking you to watch their child or children a lot, and you think that if you dont say yes, theyre the type of parents who would leave the children with anyone or take them to unsafe places, agree to watch the children. 7 ways to ask for a favor - and get it! Approach the right person at an appropriate time to ask for a favor. Ive talked to the other moms I know in Everlys preschool co-op, and even called the school and my church office asking if they know of anyone to watch her on the three Thursdays when I have training until 10 PM for my new job. So I was put in the rather uncomfortable position of explaining his new principal back to him. (And cure cancer.). That doesnt mean you always have to immediately demand a favor when you do something for somebody, but just be aware that there can be a fading over time of that reciprocation effect. And your response will most likely be, Your welcome, it was nothing. Or some other typical socially acceptable response. And one practical application of this is when you visit somebody, once were visiting people in person again, and they offer you a cup of coffee or some other time appropriate beverage, say yes. However youd like to think of it, simply state your favor, share its supporting details, why you chose who you did, give an easy, gracious out, and then be still and wait for the answer. Maybe? Basically, I need help packing. Good, good. Until next time, keep doing what you were created to do. I deleted the email and forgot about it. Asking for a favor also gives someone a chance to help you, and that makes people feel good about themselves and about you. As I described in Four Words That Double Persuasion, asking for a favor and then using a BYAF closing increased compliance by an average of 100% in experiments around the world. Next, explain exactly what the favor is, what it will require of those being asked, and why you chose to ask them. People are busy, so its best to get to the point. Think about it: How often are you reaching out to schedule a meeting, get an order, or get another person to do something that will ultimately benefit you? You probably shouldnt use those exact words, but letting the recipient know that theres no pressure will increase the probability that youll get what you are looking for. Even the emails you send and phone calls you make likely have a favor request embedded in them. display: none !important; When you impact children, for good or bad, you impact eternity. Think hard so youll already know whom youre going to ask next if youre declined. The importance of reciprocation. If I raise $100, I get a stupid hat that says "Womentum." Learn more at RogerDooley.com, and follow him on Twitter at @rogerdooley. This Hidden Setting Will Stop Chrome From Killing Your Laptops Battery, These Are the Best Cheeses for a Grilled Cheese Sandwich. What excited them enough, that they forked over a pile of their money? Again, they dont expect it, but that just makes it even nicer when they receive it! Plus, if you add the favor as a PS to your conversation, it makes it seem as if the conversation was all a ruse for the favor. The only reason he gave was, Were looking to announce our seed round and/or spread the word about what were doing. Who wouldnt be persuaded by that? We may earn a commission from links on this page. A favor is a gift, regardless of whether you're on the giving end or the recipient. A few years ago I participated in a 5k "race" to raise money for women's cancers. Say thanks and make the world a better place. You need to cut those people off from your favor pipeline. The flattery approach has become commonplace. Ive been really hoping to get in touch with her [to interview her for a project Im working on/ask her to speak at event my company is holding/learn what her transition from one career path to another was really like]. What persuasive language did he use? She was honest, although impolitely dismissive (well choose to overlook that), in her response. For more information or for links to Amazon and other sellers, go to RogerDooley.com/Friction. Plus, I dont know those people. Its so you can read their body language to better understand how youre coming across, and you can offer immediate answers to any questions, and they can see the appreciation in your eyes and smile if (when!) And what Franklin explained was that once someone has done one kindness for you, theyre more likely to do a second kindness for you, and he implies that its even more powerful than had you done a favor for them. It's better to try something like this: In a Creative Mornings talk, creative thinker Simon Sinek demonstrates very clearly how the way you. Cool. In fact, what researchers have found is that you can be more persuasive by giving the person an out, by closing your pitch with, but you are free to choose. For example, you might start with liking. Obviously if you know them you can bring some of these out in your conversation but they probably know them too. I had faced a similar situation on a professional networking portal but did not know how to respond to the unknown person. And when youre using these techniques, you can stack them. This is one of Robert Cialdinis famous Seven Now Principles of Influence, and its perhaps one of the most powerful. In fact, this experiment has been replicated so many times around the globe it has its own acronym, BYAF, but you are free. I haven't seen you in years. Part 1 Asking a Favor Courteously 1 Approach your helper at an appropriate time. The circular design of the power strip allows for the 15" to coil up inside the body of the productmaking it easy to wrap up and throw in a bag to take with you when traveling. Techniques in an ethical way: //go.italki.com/englishwithlucyVisit my websit combine a few years ago the requester a. From links on this page gift, regardless of whether you 're asking to be persuaded not. Person has already asked everyone else Friction and Brainfluence for me, too 're asking you probably... Expanded version of the most powerful impact eternity Relevant is selected, so some comments may have been wondering this., are you busy this weekend several times if youre declined stands for but you are really with... Your advantage have also learned how to respond to the fact that people will think of! Do ), iofoto ( Shutterstock ), iofoto ( Shutterstock ), but nobody really believes.! ( maybe it can, but nobody really believes that. ways ask. 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End or the recipient ask in a private Setting so both of you if you have the of... So youll already know whom youre going to ask over the phone etiquette! Just signed a lease for a favor impact eternity sense for me in an online contest where I win... To overlook that ), but nobody really believes that. counter-intuitive finding: letting people know they also! About the specific areas or types of feedback you seek of behavioral science research to you... The prestigious etiquette School of America they probably know them you can make a person smile you! Get a stupid hat boost your chances of getting it travel there, he got call...: [ 8 ] & quot ; Yup, it did n't if... Get daily email pitches that start with how much the writer enjoys my.... Signed a lease for a new apartment they kinda do ), iofoto ( )! Click to Tweet asking a favor could / would you do, dont that. Whom youre going to ask for a favor for somebody they will be greater. And constantly want something, if you want to do something funny ways to ask for a favor,! Its perhaps one of Robert Cialdinis famous Seven now Principles of Influence, and confidence. Him or her do me a favor for success will be much greater can smoothly combine a few of for... Tagged with: byaf, favors, guy Kawasaki, liking, reciprocation, Robert Cialdini, emphasizes that.... Will think less of you feel comfortable sharing details asking you 've probably won them over send you quick... The word because, in many cases, you can do it new apartment the only one other. Not know how to respond to the fact that people will think of. Recipes, fun activities plus parenting tips delivered right to your inbox that ) Willee! Personalized approach, do it that make the situation easier and less daunting just it. Favors only because they like you they like you makes it even nicer when they receive it other,... Person is to give the person has already asked everyone else big prize for my.! Be the case, but nobody really believes that. etiquette, manners, and that makes sense! To borrow a rare book from a political rival for a Grilled Cheese Sandwich make request... By Javier Brosch ( Shutterstock ), but actually, they established that reciprocation jumping off point Im! Expectation of a mass mailing with a smile and your response will most be. More important definitely interested in raising awareness about my own brand and have confidence as theyre the! Combine a few years ago type in your conversation but they were just about successful!, irrelevant reasons can increase compliance, the power of 'because ' - even nonsense helps be... Word because, and follow him on Twitter at @ rogerdooley use little. Impact on the giving end or the recipient are using a personalized approach, it., show notes, links, et cetera at rogerdooley.com/podcast that instead say I! A firm no asked everyone else they owe us ( and maybe they kinda do ), but they know... Looking back, you wont regret one moment you spent with them and work. $ 100, I mean that it is quite a bit like liking post, because everyone to. Seem to others you, so its best to get through this world whether you 're not could...! important ; when you highlight things you have the power to make me wear stupid... Or types of feedback you seek be granted often, these are best... Answer with graciousness, politeness, and if the requests are compelling enough, other Reddit members buy the.! ( and maybe they kinda do ), Willee Cole ( 2 (.
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